??? | lostinmyownhome's Blog

Fell asleep in my recliner again, now I am sore all over, dammit.    Got my attic cleaned, and the floor repaired.  Still haven't started on the garage, but I have one more day off.    I made the kids a nice dinner, washed the dishes, and did several loads of the kids' laundry.    My soon-to-be-ex-wife stays in her room most of the time.  When she does spend any time with me, it is great, but I must move on.  She has no use for me, except on payday, or when she really needs someone to talk to.     What did I do to doom my marriage?  What mistakes did I make?  I did not lie. I did not cheat. I was not abusive. I did not nag. I was not lazy. I was generous with money. I never forgot her birthday. I did not intrude on her freedom. I did not put limits on anything. I always did more than my share of housework.   I just can't figure out what more I could have done.  She is still just waiting, expecting to get a big cash settlement from some ancient travesty.  As soon as she gets a bunch of money, she will be gone.   I can not think of a single thing I did to deserve this.  I always put her happiness ahead of my own.  That was not a mistake.  That is the natural thing to do when you love someone.   But she took it a step further, and decided that her happiness is the ONLY thing that matters.    Believe me, I do get the message.  I do not matter to her.  And I am steadily finding myself able to let go, a little more each day.  But it does take time.  You can not love someone for twenty-three years, and then stop instantly.   Maybe some people can, but I can't.