sick | lostinmyownhome's Blog

     I am beginning to feel better.  Been sick for the last 4 days, took the last 3 off from work.  But now I can breathe, I can swallow, and the coughing has abated.  I will return to work tomorrow.  I slept for a good 5 hours last night, uninterrupted.  Woke up feeling much better.      I have been thinking a lot about my marriage lately, and I have come to agree with my wife(?)'s point of view.  We will both be happier when it is over.  What I wanted is no longer possible, so why put any effort into a futile attempt at salvaging our relationship.  We should be able to pay for a divorce with our next tax return.  The kids are all grown, so a divorce should not upset them much.  They never seemed to be upset about our changing relationship anyway, the separate bedrooms, the bragging about her boyfriend, the totally separate social lives.  I'm sure they will be fine.  Of course, I always wanted to be a good example for them, and to me that includes showing them how to be faithful, and loyal, and how to always work out your problems....   but this time I have no other option than to show them how to give up.    We made it last more than two decades, I hope that counts for something.    I have begun to have thoughts about my future.  Still don't know what that will include.  I might meet someone, and fall in love again,  I could get back into casual sex,  or I could end up a celibate single man.    I'll just let life happen, and take what comes to me.  I'm pretty sure, whatever happens, it will be an improvement.