cruel summer | lostinmyownhome's Blog

According to my calendar, today was the last day of summer.   It was the worst summer of my life.   I live for summer, wait all year for it to begin.  I love the sunshine and the heat, working outdoors, cooking outdoors, swimming, taking care of my lawn,playing basketball in the sun, just hanging out outdoors.    This year, summer just flew by.  And we didn't get much summer weather here.  And my swimming pool was down for the entire season.  And this was the first summer since my wife(?) told me she does not love me.   I should have known months before she actually told me.  I remember last November, she didn't go with me to do any christmas shopping for our kids.  We would always do that together, before.   On thanksgiving, as soon as her parents left, we ignored each other.  I cleaned the kitchen and washed the dishes alone.    When the time came to exchange our christmas gifts, I gave her a pile of gifts.  She acted mad at me, and went to the grocery store down the street, and came back with a $5 t-shirt as my gift.  We celebrated valentine's day with an argument.  A couple months later, she told me she wants a divorce.   Our wedding anniversary was in July, we did not mention it at all, just let it pass unnoticed.   I felt no joy this summer, I was feeling depressed through the whole thing.    I have not had sex, or been kissed, or even been hugged, since before summer officially started.   Now it is time to start looking ahead to cooler weather, get myself mentally ready for the long winter work hours, start saving money for the outrageously high heating bills.   But there is always another summer coming.   By next summer, we will be divorced.   Maybe I will meet someone before next summer, and my life will have meaning again.   Even if I do not meet anyone, I will find a way to force meaning back into my life.  I am sick of just stumbling from one day to the next, with nothing to dream about.       So, here's to next summer.  It's got to be better than this one was.