Getting sick of all the bulls**t | lostinmyownhome's Blog

I just got home from work, the wife(?) just left to go to the bar.  I have noticed a new emotion creeping into my life, and I do not like it.  It is anger.  I guess I am done with the self-pittying feelings of a few months ago, when I felt unwanted and ignored.  I still feel that way, it just doesn't bother me as much anymore.  I can't believe I felt bad enough to have those suicide fantasies, and thought I could not, would not, live without her.   Now, I am sure there is life after separation.  I just don't know when we will actually separate.  She is still living here, in her own private room, I am still paying for everything, except when she gets money from her mother.  I am really starting to feel insulted by her flaunting her so-called "boyfriend" all the time.  Every time she asks me to come into her room, I have to see that stupid pic of Mr. Wonderful on her desk. I noticed tonight that she is wearing his initial on a chain around her neck, probably purchased with my money.  She chats with him on the laptop I bought her, she texts him on the phone I bought her, and the only reason she has time for him at all is because I support her so she doesn't have to work.  And I still think she does not even know the real person behind all of this.  I think he has been very dishonest and deceitful.  Don't know what his game is, but it's definitely a game.  I will not mention any of this to her.  Even if he did not exist, there still is no excuse for the way she has treated me these last few months.  I wish she would get a damn job and move out, instead of dragging my heart through all of this shit.  I just can't believe she is wearing that goddamn initial around her neck, when all my kids know what it stands for.  Very disrepectful of me, and delusional for her.  I still say she does NOT have a boyfriend, she is NOT in a committed relationship.  She has never even met this dipshit!  Sometimes I wonder if she is honest with him about her life here.  I bet she does not tell him about the times she asks me to have sex with her.  I doubt that she even tells him that we go to the grocery store together.  She asked me earlier today if I would stay up and have some drinks with her when she gets home from the bar.  I have decided I will not.  We are supposed to meet her parents for dinner on sunday, think I will skip that, too.  I think I will be much happier when I can finally be a single dad, that's pretty much what I have been for a long time, anyway.  Speaking of which, I am going to make my kids some supper, and watch a movie with them.  We will have a good time tonight.  Sorry about all the ranting, I don't usually get like this.  Hoping that typing it all out will help the anger pass.  I do feel better already.