the silence is deafening | lostinmyownhome's Blog

     Just got home from work a little while ago, worked more overtime tonight.  All the kids are in bed, my wife(?) is at the bar with a friend.  House is very quiet, no one to talk to.  I guess I had better get used to this, she says she still wants to move out when (or if) she gets her settlement money.    She says Mr. Wonderful is planning again for them to meet in person, wonder if it will actually happen this time, or will something "unexpected" pop up again.  I wonder how I will feel if she does go to meet him?  They are talking about a long weekend together, probably at a motel.  I am definitely feeling better than I was a few months ago, no longer feeling heartbroken.  Just feeling disappointed, and a little empty.  The thought of her having sex with someone else does not really bother me, that's nothing new.  What is fairly new is the thought of me being alone.  That does bother me.  Until a few months ago, I had no doubt that we would be together forever.  Drastic changes can happen pretty quickly, I am finding.       I am truly past my prime, all these years of hard work and not enough sleep have taken their toll.  Starting over will not be easy, would have been much better a few years ago, when I was more energetic, more optimistic about life, and less in debt.  But, here and now is where I am, and I do accept it.  It may not be fun, but I will get through it ok.        After being on call all this weekend, I will have monday through wednesday off, got another list of tasks to do.  I want to run some new electric circuits in the house,and tie some old circuits over to the new breaker box,  repair a couple plumbing runs (a couple of joints are dripping water in the basement), do some more landscaping in the yard, and organize my workbenches (they are a mess, all my tools are covered with sawdust, and mixed in with wood scraps, screws, and nails, among other things).  That, along with cooking and laundry, should keep me busy.  If I finish all that and get bored, I can go up to the top floor and start cleaning the kids' mess.  That alone could keep me busy for a whole day.